🔗 Share this article

This year represents a full decade since the phrase “disappearing” entered the public consciousness. At the time, the concept that someone could suddenly stop contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the peak of rudeness. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, finding a significant other has only become more bewildering – an oftentimes unsuccessful exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media jargon.

Gen Z, a generation who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a coordinated attack on the rights of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex landscape than their Gen Y forerunners could ever envision. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” straining the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive glossary to the phrases Zoomers is using to talk about romance, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the recent most viral online sayings, by the conclusion of this list you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

---

A

Realness – In the view of gen Z, romance's ideal is showing up as your true, raw self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon loosely based on a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's response is interested or disinterested. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while radiating mystery and independence. (She may yet have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This means going for someone who helps you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people bond while handling tasks, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how broke young adults do low-cost dating in a inflation-era world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional affluence, it describes partners who choose against parenthood to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of acting aloof: utilizing dialogue, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Signals

• Warning signs – Personal habits suggesting a prospective partner is trouble. Examples include calling their exes unstable, subpar tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks affirm your decision to date a partner. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, largely inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who hates the same things or people that you do (few things creates closeness faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band many young men is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, purposefully delaying orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily domestic, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Random and often mundane turnoffs that immediately shut down any feelings of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an incredibly thoughtful display.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance realistic.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {